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Giving Tuesday 2022

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  The beautiful fall weather, time spent with family, and, of course, great food.  Like many families, there would be the low hum of conversations while we filled our plates and quickly consumed our dinner. 

 After dinner there was the all-encompassing discussion of shopping for Christmas and where we’d find the best deals (my sister is still the queen of finding deals).  Inevitably our planning would turn to what we could do for others. 

  Giving to others and engaging in acts of service has always been importation to us.  From taking on families for Christmas to providing dinners for staff of a local Hospice home.  We were hopeful these acts would be a blessing to someone in need. 

 November 29th is Giving Tuesday.  A day in which we turn our attention to the needs of others.  To become a blessing in the lives of children and families.  And experience our own blessings when we have shown our care and concern for those in need.  

 Family Services of Davidson County provides many services to those who are suffering and in the mist of traumatic events in their lives.  As you consider Giving Tuesday and making an impact in the wellbeing of others, we would ask that you consider supporting our services.  Your gift will make a difference in the lives of those we serve and help us fulfill the visions of living life free of violence.

 Thank you for considering a gift to Family Services of Davidson County.  Blessing and peace during this holiday day season. 

Tim Tilley

Executive Director

Family Services of Davidson County

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

On April 11th, the Davidson County Commissioners voted unanimously to adopt April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Read the details of the proclamation below! Thank you to all of the Commissioners for being helping FSDC bring awareness to Sexual Assault and helping us create a safer Davidson County!

It's Unfortunate

Recently, I had an experience that truly hasn’t happened that often during the last two years.  While filling up with gas, the guy next to me started up a conversation.  Since the start of the pandemic, I feel as if we all just stayed in our little bubble and didn’t converse with others as often. Yet here we were having a friendly chat and enjoying each other’s company while we waited for our tanks to fill.  As is often the case, there was the question about what I did.  I explained that I was the Executive Director of Family Services of Davidson County. 

Through the years I have gotten the same next question, “What do you all do?”.  I took the time to give a brief explanation that included providing crisis and counseling services to those impacted by traumatic events, such as sexual assault and domestic violence.  I also spoke of our Hattie Lee Burgess House and providing services for those escaping violence.

The next statement really wasn’t surprising, nor did I think about my response until a couple miles up the road.  He said, “That’s unfortunate that you have to provide these services.”  I told him I agreed how unfortunate it was.

He then said, “God Bless you for providing these services.” I said thank you and we were off to fulfill our responsibilities for that day.  But I began to think about my response to him as I traveled to the office. 

Although we all agree of the unfortunate circumstances of those seeking our services.  However, I began to think about how fortunate it was to have our services available to those who were building back hope and finding healing.

I thought about the strength of those we serve and their abilities to overcome.  I then began to consider that Family Services of Davidson County was marking our 25th anniversary and how fortunate that we are available to those seeking our help. 

I then thought of how we ensure our services last another 25 years to assist those who need the space to again find their strength and heal.  I want to make certain Family Services of Davidson County is a viable resource for many years to come.

Toward this goal of sustainability, we have launched the 25 for 25 campaign.  This campaign is looking to 25 individuals, groups, churches, or businesses to partner with us with a gift of $2500.  These monies are the building block to ensure those who are suffering have the fortunate programming that will provide them the chance to build hope and find healing.

We thank you for your support of Family Services of Davidson County and your belief in our mission of Building Hope…Healing Lives.

Blessings,

Tim Tilley, Executive Director

Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month truly important to me?

I prepared for work this morning by looking through my personal items box, which contains my extra keys, wrist watches (that I never wear any longer), and lapel pins. There, I located my purple lapel pin to recognize the first day of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

As I started out the door, my wife asked what lapel pin I had on, and I explained it was my purple ribbon for Domestic Violence Awareness Month and quickly headed for the door. As I drove into the office, I began to ask myself, “Am I going through the motions or is Domestic Violence Awareness Month truly important to me?”.

We know the devastation domestic violence has on victims and their children. Not feeling safe in your own home and afraid of the very relationships in which we should feel the most at peace is traumatic. We know this trauma affects the very fabric of life and children exposed to this violence to a lifetime of mental and physical health concerns. Even lessening life expectancy!

I then thought of the 23 families in Davidson County who have lost loved ones to a fatal domestic violence incident. Four of these fatalities being the young and promising lives of children. All these who we’ve lost to this violence had those who loved them and depended on them. They had children, parents, friends, neighbors, and co-workers who were positively impacted by knowing them.

As a community, we are forever changed due to these lives that have been taken due to domestic violence. We can’t escape this fact. We may think it doesn’t truly affect us. Surely these victims had a way out and didn’t have to stay in relationships like these. We just need to dismiss it as a “one off” situation and look to tomorrow and better times.

However, it isn’t that simple. Those caught in the grips of a controlling relationship soon lose any semblance of their worth. They have been devalued and damaged to the point they see no purpose or importance in their world or community. Their lives become a constant race to stay just ahead of the violence bearing down on them. With this unrelenting challenge, there is no time to look for ways out and many feel their lives have already passed them by. They believe it must be their fault for all the destruction they continually live in.

We can make a difference in the lives of those impacted by this violence. We must keep our eyes and hearts open to those in need and make the promise to not dismiss this community health problem as something that doesn’t impact each of us. We can make certain we remain vigilant to the needs of victims and their children and not be afraid to ask, “Are you safe?”. Or to say to someone that you care about their safety, and they don’t deserve to be harmed or abused. You can direct them to national hotlines and local providers who are experts in addressing domestic violence and child abuse.

What we can’t afford to do is live our lives without Seeing. Without being open to the truth around us because it may cause us discomfort. In fact, I’m hoping our discomfort creates opportunity for change. That struggle improves our ability to identify what really matters. You can make a difference in the life of someone else! There is no greater calling than to care for others.

Please take a moment to remember those we’ve lost and to make a promise to not turn away and to shine the light in areas of darkness.

Thank you for accepting this challenge.

Tim Tilley

Covid Update

Unfortunately (or maybe I should say fortunately), I am at the age in which time seems to fly and a year seems like a week.  Last March 14th, I was driving back from Asheville after attending the NC Marriage and Family Therapy Conference and, as the conference ended, there was an announcement that Governor Cooper just signed the Executive Order of Safe at Home.

As I drove home, I was in communication with our Directors to address our services, operations, staff safety, and client responsibilities.  March 16, 2020 we were addressing our Contagious Disease policies and procedures and discussing how we were going to continue services while making certain we were not creating an environment for harm.

As I entered our office this past Monday, I was looking back at the year that was to be dominated by a once in a lifetime pandemic.  I was thinking of how we accomplished to keep programming operational, vital, and meaningful to those we served and to our community.  How did we manage to go a year without one staff member being diagnosed with COVID-19?  How did we go a year without having to suspend services?  How did we strengthen many of the programs that were already in place?

The simple answer was our staff.  The dedication of those who have chosen to be part of the FSDC family and provide necessary services to those who need our programming to ensure safety, treat mental health disorders, and support families that have been impacted by trauma. 

Staff made personal sacrifices to make certain they stayed healthy and did not expose those we served to a virus that was still unknown.  We developed new policies and procedures so we could continue to serve those in need of a safe place to heal.  Staff adhered to these changes and continued to educate themselves, so programming was not interrupted.  

Looking back, I believe this showed our staff’s belief in and operating from trauma-informed principles.  These standards that recognize everyone has value and how our clients are truly the expert about their own life.  We stayed alert to their needs and the increase in depression, domestic violence, anxiety, and how this pandemic was triggering their trauma.  We kept our focus while still looking over our shoulders to outrun this dangerous virus.

Pressure has the ability to expose character…our staff showed their unbelievable character as they faced a pandemic while they cared for others.  Thank you FSDC staff!

With hope and belief in a better year,

Tim

2021 Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. 1 in 3 women, 1 in 4 men, and 1 in 2 trans and nonbinary people will experience an abusive relationship in their lifetime. We believe that prevention is essential and that educating our young folks now on dating violence will set them up for a future of healthy and happy relationships.

To do this, we will be sending out information to both teens and parents on the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, healthy qualities in relationships, and how to talk about relationships. We will also post a short video of teens sharing their experiences with healthy relationships and which red flags they plan to avoid in toxic relationships. Keep an eye out on our social media and look for communication from us with these resources!

Do you know a teen that is currently in a concerning relationship? Remember that our 24/7 Crisis Line is available at 336-243-1934 for safety planning and resources.

January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month

By Kailah Weaver, Intern

The United States Homeland Security describes human trafficking as “the use of force, fraud, or coercion to obtain some type of labor or commercial sex act”. Some indicators that human trafficking is occurring can include:

• poor living conditions

• living with employer

• inability to speak to people alone

• signs of physical abuse

• unpaid or paid very little

• seeing multiple people crammed into a space, under 18 and in prostitution.

  If you suspect human trafficking there are multiple places to call. You can call 911 in an urgent situation and explain what you have seen or call 1-88-373-788 The National Human Trafficking Hotline to report a tip or ask for more information.

Stalking Awareness Month 2021

Stalking Awareness 2021

By Jennifer Chandler, Advocate

January is Stalking Awareness Month, but what exactly is stalking? Broadly defined, stalking is a repeating course of conduct aimed at one specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear. This means that the behavior of the perpetrator occurs more than once, is specifically aimed at the victim involved, and causes the victim to feel afraid.

Stalking Is:                                   

• A crime in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, the U.S. Territories, Federal law, and many tribal codes

• DANGEROUS! Stalking can escalate to property damage, physical violence, sexual assault, or even murder

• An issue for ALL populations of people including those who may be under-supported such as: LGBTQ, Minorities, undocumented individuals, people with disabilities and formerly incarcerated individuals.

Stalking is NOT:

• The victim’s fault

• “Harmless”, or “Romantic”

Tips to deal with stalking behavior:

•   Keep evidence such as text messages, voicemails, photos, and documentation of incidents of stalking (including witness information)You can use this evidence to file for protective orders or criminal charges.

• Change your normal routine, including the way you drive to work, hours you work, and where children receive daycare

• Change your phone number and door locks

• Alert friends, family, and coworkers of the situation (if comfortable) so that they can help

• Make a safety plan of where you can go on short notice to stay overnight if needed (friend’s house, hotel, code word)

• Use cash if the perpetrator still has access to your bank account to keep them from tracking you

To avoid TECHNOLOGY based stalking/tracking:

• Turn off your location or log out of all apps that can track your location like snapchat, facebook, instagram, etc.

• Check your car for tracking devices.

• Avoid posting on Social Media about what you are doing or where you are going.

For More information on Stalking, visit stalkingawareness.org or call our 24/7 Crisis Line at (336) 243-1934

"Injustice Anywhere is a Threat to Justice Everywhere" -Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

As you may know, our newsletter recognizes awareness months throughout the year.  Awareness months help us acknowledge those in our community who should receive our support and to shine a light on their experiences while creating an environment of safety and ensuring mental health.

June is Pride month and our newsletter was to speak to, and acknowledge, those in our community who identify as LGBTQ.  As with other awareness months, we were focused on bringing attention to the LGBTQ community and how we, as a community, work together to support and establish an environment of acceptance and safety. 

We hope our newsletters supports a dialogue within our community which helps to bring about change while validating the experiences of others.  We also seek to challenge preconceived beliefs that may hinder us as we seek to truly see, and value, our neighbor.  We hope to create some discomfort within each of us so as to provide opportunity for growth.  And, support a conversation that speaks to our altruism and knowing there is something bigger than ourselves.      

I must admit that since May 25th I’ve had a difficult time collecting my thoughts while preparing my article.  The very focus of my article was playing out in front of me (and the world).  I was hoping to write an article that would create a moment that would have us stop and think about how we accept and treat others.  To again recognize that we’re all in this together.  To understand each person has value and is able to make a difference in our community (our nation and the world). 

Our work at Family Services of Davidson County has always been to relieve the fear of others and create a chance for healing.  Healing that creates a new journey in which the hopes and dreams of children, individuals and/or families can again be refashioned and achieved.  I believe that readers of our newsletter seek to participate in this work and is the reason you support our agency.  I also believe, with all my being, that we are an accepting and loving people but when fear guides us, we become blinded to our actions and the actions of others. 

Let us make a promise not to be led by fear or to become myopic in our view of others.  May we seek to do what’s difficult because we know that doing what’s hard is what’s right. 

Warm Regards,

Tim Tilley